Self-regulation and Co-regulation
We react to perceived threats most of the times. The painful writings on the walls from our past, aka beliefs, assumptions etc drive our day to day reactions. It’s usually the perceived threat that causes our nervous system to get into FFF responses.
For example, if you are visiting a dentist and you’re feeling very anxious, it’s because of the painful writings on the wall from the past. Maybe your last visit to the dentist was very uncomfortable and you are carrying that “painful past learning” and it’s “intruding into your present”.
If you look at it from the lens of the Nervous system, you’ll understand that your body isn’t against you, it’s just behaving as it should when it perceives threat. It will react in the same way as it would to real threat. The key is to learn self regulation and relaxation techniques that can take your nervous system out of the sympathetic state (FFF) into the parasympathetic state (rest/digest).
(Goes without saying that trauma informed therapy is also a must if you’ve been through any kind of trauma)
What is self-regulation?
The ability to gauge how your body responds to different kinds of stimuli and decrease the tension in the body before it escalates. In other words, it’s the awareness of your body’s sensations and being able to bring them down before they increase.
What is Co-regulation?
I define it simply as “when someone’s calm can ease your chaos/distress.”
Children who’ve had attuned parents who were able to soothe them during times of distress, have greater ability to self-regulate when they grow up.
For example, when a baby cries, the caregiver makes soothing sounds and attends to the baby. When a child is overwhelmed, the caregiver uses their own regulated state to calm the child.
All these are instances of Co-regulation.
Stephen Porges says, “There’s an overall paradox in that individuals who appear to be efficient in regulating themselves are the ones who have had more opportunities to effectively co- regulate with others. Their nervous system has a history of neural exercise that would promote resilience.
In contrast to the older more traditional model that would argue that if an individual was supported too much, the experience of support would compromise the individual’s ability to take care of themself. I believe this a misunderstanding of the needs of humans.
Humans need to be co- regulated, because the experience of being co-regulated develops resilience that will enable a human to self-regulate in the absence of opportunities to co-regulate.”
And did you know that Tapping with someone is also a process of co-regulation?
Join the Trauma Study Circle to learn more about Trauma and EFT.
Reference: Eric Gentry and Robert Rhoton ( CCTP course)
Even though we're now living mostly in cities and while the chances of being bitten by a snake or eating a poisonous fruit has drastically reduced unless we’re mind numbingly zoned out, our brain is still very active and produces a myriad of thoughts.
For more information on tapping, click 
